A friend recently commented on a school district’s recommendation to parents to read 30 minutes every night to their children.  Another friend complained that school was starting soon and she now would be spending most evenings on homework.

Schools want parents to be involved, and it’s imperative for children’s success at school.  But some parents are doing too much homework.  And the result is increased stress among families, as parents try to balance supporting their children’s school efforts and taking control.

On the other hand, some teachers report many children receive no support at home to complete assignments, so what is the best role for parents in a child’s schooling?

Experts say the key is to monitor and show interest in school work but not make it more important to you than it is to your children.  That is when power struggles begin.  The cardinal rule for helping should be, “Never work harder than your child.”

Parents can begin by asking, “What is the goal of homework?@  Most teachers give homework to reinforce classroom lessons and establish good study habits, goals that are defeated when a parent takes over assignments.  A teacher is unable to tell how well a student understands the lesson if the work turned in is not his.  Another purpose of homework is to help students feel competent to work on their own.

A parent=s role only should be to coach and encourage.  Parents can offer support, structure and problem solving for remembering and bringing homework home, then let the child own the behavior and the outcome.

There are 5 tasks involved in completing homework.  Students should:

1. Know what the assignment is
2. Bring home the materials to do the work.  Parents should be careful not to rescue children by traveling to school for forgotten objects.  You’re only teaching, “you don’t need to remember” by making unplanned trips to school for supplies.  If you do make a rescue in times of need or for the child who rarely forgets, “trade” for a chore to replace the time you spent taking the child back to school.
3. Do the work.  Parents should be available for questions and support but shouldn’t hover or do too much.  Instead of giving answers, ask questions that help children figure out the answers independently, and move away before he or she “gets it.”
4. Take the homework back to school.
5. Turn the assignment in.

The primary job for parents is to provide the homework environment.  Parents should:

1. Provide a quiet place to work for each child with no other people or distractions.
2. Involve your child in making the rules.  For example, let children choose whether they will always do their homework immediately after school or dinner or if they need some time to unwind and take advantage of the daylight hours to play before sitting again.  If they have an attitude of cooperation, children are more apt to work.  If a child wants to study with music, that is OK, but you can insist on no cell phone or TV use.
3. Try making it a time when the whole family does quiet work like reading or paying bills.  If you are watching TV, kids will be distracted and want to watch as well.  If the child doesn’t have an assignment from school, he or she can use the scheduled time for reading.
4. Provide a specific, uncluttered space, stocked with school supplies.  You can make the ultimate workstation by using a tri-fold display board.  This can diminish distractions, particularly for ADD children, and provide a place to hang a calendar, notes and some supplies.

Encouragement is the key

A successful school experience is built on confidence. Success comes from focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses.  Parents need to treat mistakes as opportunities to learn.  Parents can encourage by:

·        Refraining from all criticism, nagging and power struggles, but notice when students are working on homework.

·        Acknowledging effort and progress.  “It looks like you’re working hard at your math problems”  or  “You got more done tonight then last night.”

·        Expressing faith in your child. “I know this is a tough assignment, but I’ve seen you handle tough challenges in the past.”

·        Expressing appreciation.  “Thanks for getting your homework done so we have time to read together tonight.”

Sit down with your children 2 to 3 times per week to have them point out the best things they’ve done on their papers and describe the reasons for their success.  Verbalizing these reasons will imprint the accomplishments on their brains, and soon they will start to realize that they are in control of their success.

Work with your child on their mistakes only when they ask for your help.  Let the school work on any deficiencies.  Teachers have training to help with deficiencies in effective ways.

Be aware that successes in other areas, from sports to arts, carry over to confidence in school work, so be careful not to take away those interests in an effort to motivate school performance.

Remember that as children become older, they should begin to assume more and more personal responsibility for their own assignments, and this is a healthy transition to raising a responsible child.